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Taliban Kicks Off Spring Offensive With Bake Sale
Ghazni Province — The Taliban of Naw Abad Village announced its annual Spring Offensive and Bake Sale, alerting locals to brace themselves for errant RPG fire and an onslaught of delicious passion...
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Marine Comes Out To Father As POG
BRYAN, Tx — Highly decorated military veteran Douglas Martin got the shock of a lifetime Sunday when his son, Lance Cpl. Shane Martin, came out of the closet as a POG. Lance Cpl. Martin, currently...
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Coast Guard Defends Baltimore’s Inner Harbor Hard Rock Cafe
BALTIMORE, Md. — Nearly 300 Coast Guard personnel mobilized from USCG Base Portsmouth, Va. early Thursday and vowed to “valiantly defend” Baltimore’s Inner Harbor Hard Rock Cafe from rioters, the...
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OPINION: Oh, I Guess We All Just Enjoy Memorial Day Now, Ha! Ha!
The following is an opinion written by A Veteran. HIGH HORSE, W.Va. — Oh hey, what’s up America? I couldn’t help but be a little nosy after hearing all the party noise and uh, oh my! What do we have...
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Surprise Homecoming Ruined By Camera Malfunction
MACON, Ga. — A joyous occasion became a nightmare for Marine Corps Reservist Sgt. Darnell Foster on Thursday when his surprise homecoming was not properly recorded. Home early following a seven month...
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HOMELESS: Volcano Dragon From 1998 Marine Corps Ad Living In Van On Skid Row
LOS ANGELES — The volcano dragon from popular 1998 Marine Corps recruiting commercial “Rite of Passage” was found living on skid row by two Marines who took a wrong turn Friday night. Gunnery Sgts....
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Recruit Skeptical Of Drill Instructor’s Claim To Have ‘More Games Than Milton...
PARRIS ISLAND, S.C. — Following an afternoon of repeatedly running over here now, now running back over there now, now running back over here now, Marine Corps recruit Eric Rugg has expressed...
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Gate MPs: ‘Taliban Fighter’ Costumes Popular This Halloween
MCAS MIRAMAR, Calif. — Standing guard at the main gate this Halloween weekend, Base MPs Nicolas Panagos and Megan Bossert, both lance corporals, report that “Taliban Fighter” is this year’s most...
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Oprah Winfrey Hosts Veterans Day Giveaway Special
SAN DIEGO, California — Members of the Southern California Veterans Alliance got a big surprise this afternoon after their Veterans Day lunch outing to Golden Corral turned into a live giveaway...
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OpEd: Male Troops, Aged 18 – 19, Welcome At My Home For Thanksgiving
The following is written by Susie Cougarcrotch FAYETTEVILLE, NC — Oh, hello there. I’m so glad you’re here. It gets awfully lonely for a widow in this big, old mansion all by myself. Let me slip into...
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Doctors Close To Cure For Butthurt Disease
BOB WILSON NAVAL HOSPITAL, Calif. — After decades of research and development, Naval scientists say they are within reach of a cure for Butthurt Disease, more commonly known as BHD. “With BHD the...
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Pistol Tattoos Aiming At Vagina A Unique Way To Celebrate M-9 Qual
FORT LEONARD WOOD, Mo. — Sources say Pfc. Ashlee Gibbons has found a unique way to celebrate her first M-9 pistol qualification — by getting two ornately decorated Beretta tattoos inked onto her hips...
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Bride of ISIS Fighter New Year’s Resolutions: ‘Please Help Me, I’ve Made a...
Duffel Blog reached Alimah Farzat, Bride of ISIS Fighter, by phone for an exclusive Q&A on her New Year’s Eve resolutions and life inside the Islamic State. Farzat was born in Syria, but grew up...
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Marine Gives Birth to Record-Breaking 12lb 8oz MRE Food Baby
CAMP PENDLETON, CA — Sources at 3rd Battalion 1st Marine Regiment (3/1) confirmed reports that Pfc. Alex Leddy delivered a record-breaking 12 pound, 8 ounce MRE food baby at 5:43AM this morning on...
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Drunk Soldier Supports Women Registering For The Shaft
FORT BRAGG, NC — After downing a fifth of Old Crow bourbon while cleaning the barracks, Pfc. Glenn Williams of 2nd Battalion, 504th Parachute Infantry Regiment announced his full support of women...
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Click, click, zoom! Military outfitter releases tactical selfie-stick
NAVAL STATION NORFOLK, Va. — Popular military outfitters Hard 4 America LLC unveiled a tactical selfie-stick at the Naval Station Norfolk Geardo Convention over the weekend. “The Click, Click, Zoom...
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F-16 To KC-135: I Thought We Had Something Magical
The following was written by an Oklahoma ANG F-16. TULSA AIR NATIONAL GUARD BASE, Ok. — I was on a training mission about to circle Oklahoma City and head back to Tulsa when a rugged, big-boned KC-135...
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MTV’s ‘Pimp My Smoke Pit’ creates cool new space for Marines
CAMP PENDLETON, CA — The designated smoking area for 3rd Assault Amphibian Battalion got a makeover this weekend as part of MTV’s new series “Pimp My Smoke Pit.” The show’s host, rapper Xzibit, was on...
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Soldier discovers cheat code to SHARP training video game
FORT STEWART, Ga. — Less than a week after the release of the Army’s ELITE-SHARP Command Team Trainer, 1st Lt. Reese Morton with the 188th Infantry Brigade has cracked the cheat code for the video...
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After Prince death, Airborne admits maroon berets actually raspberry
FORT BENNING, Ga. — Following the death of music legend Prince, Army Airborne has admitted that a long suspected myth about their maroon berets is true: the berets are actually raspberry colored....
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